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A Conscious Decline

by Beguiler

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1.
Fragile Mind 03:34
This is the start, of week one reality hasn’t hit This is the story of how fragile The human mind really is I don’t know where I was Or what I was taking in But I had a feeling What little was left Would soon be meaningless It was then the weeks rolled on It took endless bottles, and mental blocks I remember when I still cared I don’t see that person anywhere Pretty sure I left him dying At the doorstep of hell This is the start of week twelve I fucking hate myself And this shit will never work It takes a lot to admit what I just did And to really believe it I now know That this has made me sick Blocking out What I knew with poison I feel this in my bones My life, and my interior Is telling me I want to die I now know I will always be alone when I’m at my lows Nobody cares no time to try Everybody has got their own Through this exit wound in my head The suffering will pass along Selfishly Through the exit wound in my head This is the end of week fifty-two I have became a corpse And buried myself with no strength This was my week to seek Death
2.
Crutch 03:13
I can’t have the weight of your world Crushing my chest I can’t fucking breathe I’ve been told things will get better Not as far as I can see This is starting to strip your world Your self-centred sociopathic manipulative mentality I am out of ways of coping Done with dwelling on the past the start of tranquility Appreciate me for nothing Nobody should Remember this disgusting heap I want fucking ghosts To keep my company I scare the fucking hell out of myself I disappoint you and those around me I don’t know what would fucking help me I wish I had a .12 gauge in the mouth And I’ll slip down To the unholy south Where my body drops into the fate I was bound You have literally pushed me to the point I don’t give a fuck About you or anything else You expected a crutch From my broken fucking legs Any voice is dull When I just have a voice telling me Fucking taunting me Striking me it says “Kill yourself” “You are just suffering for nothing” “Suppress you won’t There is a reason you don’t sleep” “Kill yourself, now” “Why the fuck are you waiting” “What has carried you this far Is as dead as your inevitable unfolding” This is why I hate when people rely on me For their own fucking happiness what about me Where was this selflessness that you hold above me There is no stability in a burning fucking trainwreck And all I can think is none of this will matter When I’m dead, and done
3.
Black Cloud 04:13
Breathless day by day It gets harder to exhale Breath by breath I feel my lungs closer to Closer to collapse From distrust my chest is hollow My world is caving in The walls are enclosing me When I look in the mirror, and your face is staring back at me Those last days will forever trail me In my dreams I will be taken back To when I watched your final breath Leave your chest Sick and dying That image is most vivid The way out it’s an ugly fucking bitch Your life is over I’ve felt cold ever since With you dead it’s hard to give a shit My privileges I honour And that is why I’m fucking here Despite everything I have to aspire I can’t help ruining my own life The drop from here to hell Is what I’ll live with Before you start stop yourself Save it for someone else I know that I’m not well I gave up I’m run down this is my burden I don’t want your fucking help I wouldn’t want to know me I’d pick someone else I don’t know why my mind resonates with the worst of times Everyday all I feel Is this burn I wish I knew why it feels so good Maybe I’m a narcissist Maybe in your eyes I am selfish Everyone relates to trauma Some will understand better than others When it cycles this is how it is It’s a black cloud, and everyday is piss When you think it can’t get any worse, Oh it happens, Oh it happens Fuck
4.
Cynical 04:56
This is where We all come to die This clouded place in my fucking head Saturated in my negativity I should feel worse For how I’ve been done Everyday I hate the man it has made me become Self-loathing that cannot be undone On, and on, through the things that I hate the most Worst days of my life Now that’s all I have That is all I have I am addicted to a life of grief Always reminding me when things I am addicted to misery Always reminding me when things felt Fucking right with my head The fact that this is my fucking life Makes me sick everyday I have come to not care I am all but a hollow shell of Everything I was meant to be This is my fucking life Not a day where I feel alive This is my fucking life This is where my hopes and dreams Have died This is my day to day, and I know that it’s not fucking right This hate is my vice This dead heart, and dead soul Have me entirely Addicted to a life of grief Always reminding me when things I am addicted to misery Always reminding me when things felt Fucking right with my head On, and on, through the things that I hate the most And now they are all I have The lowest point of one’s life The lowest

about

Location: Toronto, Ontario
Album: A Conscious Decline
Released: July 26, 2019
Genre: Death Metal / Deathcore
Produced By: Keegan Okazaki - Nocturnal Audio
Artwork By: Larry Airapetian - The Art of GothSlam

© 2019 Beguiler
℗ Beguiler

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released July 26, 2019

© 2019 Beguiler
℗ Beguiler

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Beguiler Oshawa, Ontario

Based out of Toronto, ON comes Beguiler. A heavy hitting five piece behemoth mixing modern Death Metal with that OG Deathcore feel.

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